Cranberry Sauce

Here lies my story:

Saturday, March 30, 2002

Well, well, well, what a happening little schedule I've got going on. Between the Monterey Jack smelling Miracle Cholsuke (reffer to Maggie's journal for more) to the recent Cactuc Club antics, I have been coasting along feeling the highest of highs. Those two shows were both ones to remember, each in their own different ways, although the first one was a little dissappointing, I am sorry to say.

Last night, my brother came home from Santa Cruz and drove a friend and I out to see "40 Days and 40 Nights". I know what you're thinking. Josh Hartnett, teenage heart-throb and why are you being sucked in there? Well, it's not that he's hot, because frankly, he has ugly eyebrows (but who am I to complain) but somehow (?) he intrigues both me and Maggie...

Oops, I have to go to work, I'll type more later.
Laura kazammed at 01:04 p.m.

Monday, March 18, 2002

Bogged down with sickness of a thousand sneezes. Itchy inside my body where I can't scratch; throat scraping itself like rubbing sandpaper while my nose has reached it's maximum occupancy. Do you think Liquid Plumber works on noses? My dad left on business this morning. I used to be ungodly upset everytime he left. I've basically become less emotional towards that particular area, but it might be returning. I remember the first and worst time the insecurity struck; I was home sick for a week. While he was gone, I wouldn't eat; wouldn't laugh at all. I don't do that anymore, but as I think about it, I'm sick right now, so...

My mom's great and all, but I don't want to bother her. The truth is, I want someone to take care of me. So I am able to do it myself, but it's so much more motivating to know there's someone there coaching you, because they want you back to your normal fun-loving self. With half my family gone, responsibilites are left to my mom. (Since I can't do much except sleep) I pretty much max myself out at school, and then, there's badminton.

My spirits lifted when I realized my wrist wasn't paining, but once back in the game, I was dissappointed with my playing ability. All my shots went straight to their racket, and even when I would try to set them up, the birdy would shoot too far left and go out of bounds. I found that my endurance was greatly diminished; and after only seven or so minutes, I was sweating all over. Nasty? Why yes, oh yes. I just felt so embarrassed with Maggie watching and all, clapping when I scored a point although I didn't deserve it. She's an inspiration for me. I want to play well in general, but in some senses, I want to make her proud or something. We have a strange relationship, okay?

One of my friends who I have known off and on well and good for the past five years won't be going to school with us anymore. It shouldn't be a big deal, considering I went to a completley different school all last year, but somehow, her doing independent study at home feels like she is moving out of state. I know I'll see her on weekends and online sometimes and sure I can call her, but it's not the same for things like that. She's just one of those people who you depend on seeing at school because you know that out of everyone, they will most definately greet you with respect and warmth. It's all happening so abruptly. I haven't even gotten a chance to sign a yearbook for her or anything.

Overall, I feel that everything I have trusted in has failed me. Don't think I am saying that things have failed me. It isn't their fault; it's mine for relying on them too much. People whom I care for have left. My own health and energy is depreciating, and the sport I'm playing is practically forcing me to relearn the simplest of hits just to rally. I just...need to rely on myself instead.
Laura coughed and sneezed at 07:25 p.m.

Monday, March 11, 2002

Sometimes, I wonder how people would cope with different circumstances. If I was the new kid, knowing only, say, three people who I remember from sixth grade; say, three people who I wouldn't hang out with except for the fact that they are nice to me, would I make friends with other people fast enough? I suppose Del Mar was an experience like that; but it was freshamn year so it was like that for everyone. Or, where I am at now, if I attempted to befriends others would they turn me away or willingly accept me and my flaws? Then again, circumstances change with every school; this one being a huge exeption in practically every form. I swear, our school is fucked over in that nice, corny "we all live in peace" way where everyone is everyone's sister's friend. Most places aren't like that. I hope no one mistakes high school for the real world. At least not *this* high school.
Laura considered another thing at 09:43 p.m.

Saturday, March 9, 2002

Went to see Fighting Jacks last night with a hoarde of interesting people. If you noticed, we were all basically in twos the whole time, which was so uniform it wasn't even funny. Anyway, I finally bought the Fighting Jacks / Keeping Ellis / Sloe split, to bring me much enjoyment. I ditched some of my friends though, because they're idea wasn't organized enough. Truly, though, it could have been hazardous.

I feel that everyone has multiple personality flaws that each bring them down to the ground if they don't know how to deal with it. I have this horrible way of becoming twitterpated with practically any guy who is at least mildly attractive. It usually starts with the whole "oooh, he has nice shoes..." which is Laura-speak for "what a fine speciMAN of MEN" (I coined that term, woot woot) But then, if I get the chance to actually speak to these people, who usually are egotistical jackasses it wil go away. Except, yes, those cases where a genuinely nice corteous boy respects me (er, maybe not that, but at least is receptive and understanding) I just become infatuated on the spot.

I've been lost in a maze of love for ages but no one will come rescue me. It doesn't bother me too much, given those moments when everyone else gets shown some love and I don't. If my "infatuation" persues another girl, I usually stay around for a while until I know I have no chance. This is probably a good point for me to lay off, and I do, but a month or so later, the feeling strikes again, sparked by some little meaningless hug or chance meeting. These emotions tear up my soul, and it is absolutely irritating. I've seen a few such people of my past loves in these past days, been reminded of everything.
Laura talked in a nasly voice at 09:07 a.m.

Thursday, March 7, 2002

Badminton has become supremely fun. So what if I don't play until the end? It doesn't bother me because I get to talk to everyone and listen to horribly crazy dance music and "party on down" with my amigos. Whoop dee do, it actually is quite enjoyable. And I mean, that's all I ask really. Lost my first game; won the second. (Given they were entirely different ends of the spectrum, but still)
Laura moved in circles at 08:55 p.m.

Monday, March 4, 2002

Colleges send stupid mail. They try to make themselves sound interesting and unique, but you know if they have to send you alluring mail they probably aren't the best choice. I mean, come on... Here's a letter:

"Awesome. OK...so maybe awesome is a bit outdated, and it probably sounds a little funny coming from me. But it's really the only word that does Montana State University justice."

Yes, this is definately where I want to spend four years of my life.

Oh and guess what guys? I got tickets to the Incubus/Hoobastank concert April 14! And I have Champions On Ice tickets as well! And I think Sno-core may be able to work out if planned accordingly! And tomorrow I am playing #2 singles for badminton! Which is a high spot considering I am inexperienced and overall "sucky". I am grateful, yes, but pretty nervous. I know I will not do very well most likely, but I wish I could. It would just make everything else so much better...

By the way, I re-met this girl the on Friday. I saw her in English, hair dyed red, AFI pin on her bag, and I thought "Hey she seems cool..." Next thing I know we're reminiscing on elementry school. Turns out she was Desiree's best friend before she moved to Hollister. Then I became Desiree's best friend, then there was middle school and drama and new friends, and now I meet her again. I always thought she would turn out to be a "rapper girl" but no, what an intellectual and funny person she is. I'm quite glad to have her at this school.

Oh, and Maggie, I hope you feel better and all is well soon.
Laura went on walking at 09:13 p.m.

Wednesday, February 27, 2002

By the way...the entry below this one was written in a moment of contempt. Disregard offensive comments; not all points directed at the same people so do not excpect I had you in mind, becuase if you are reading this, then it wasn't you. I was thinking of people who *don't* know about this. (Or so I am assuming...)
Laura mentioned at 08:45 p.m.


	Here lies my story: Saturday, March 30, 2002 Well, well, well, what a happening little schedule I've got going on. Between the Monterey Jack smelling Miracle Cholsuke (reffer to Maggie's journal for more) to the recent Cactuc Club antics, I have been coasting along feeling the highest of highs. Those two shows were both ones to remember, each in their own different ways, although the first one was a little dissappointing, I am sorry to say. Last night, my brother came home from Santa Cruz and drove a friend and I out to see "40 Days and 40 Nights". I know what you're thinking. Josh Hartnett, teenage heart-throb and why are you being sucked in there? Well, it's not that he's hot, because frankly, he has ugly eyebrows (but who am I to complain) but somehow (?) he intrigues both me and Maggie... Oops, I have to go to work, I'll type more later. Laura kazammed at 01:04 p.m. Monday, March 18, 2002 Bogged down with sickness of a thousand sneezes. Itchy inside my body where I can't scratch; throat scraping itself like rubbing sandpaper while my nose has reached it's maximum occupancy. Do you think Liquid Plumber works on noses? My dad left on business this morning. I used to be ungodly upset everytime he left. I've basically become less emotional towards that particular area, but it might be returning. I remember the first and worst time the insecurity struck; I was home sick for a week. While he was gone, I wouldn't eat; wouldn't laugh at all. I don't do that anymore, but as I think about it, I'm sick right now, so... My mom's great and all, but I don't want to bother her. The truth is, I want someone to take care of me. So I am able to do it myself, but it's so much more motivating to know there's someone there coaching you, because they want you back to your normal fun-loving self. With half my family gone, responsibilites are left to my mom. (Since I can't do much except sleep) I pretty much max myself out at school, and then, there's badminton. My spirits lifted when I realized my wrist wasn't paining, but once back in the game, I was dissappointed with my playing ability. All my shots went straight to their racket, and even when I would try to set them up, the birdy would shoot too far left and go out of bounds. I found that my endurance was greatly diminished; and after only seven or so minutes, I was sweating all over. Nasty? Why yes, oh yes. I just felt so embarrassed with Maggie watching and all, clapping when I scored a point although I didn't deserve it. She's an inspiration for me. I want to play well in general, but in some senses, I want to make her proud or something. We have a strange relationship, okay? One of my friends who I have known off and on well and good for the past five years won't be going to school with us anymore. It shouldn't be a big deal, considering I went to a completley different school all last year, but somehow, her doing independent study at home feels like she is moving out of state. I know I'll see her on weekends and online sometimes and sure I can call her, but it's not the same for things like that. She's just one of those people who you depend on seeing at school because you know that out of everyone, they will most definately greet you with respect and warmth. It's all happening so abruptly. I haven't even gotten a chance to sign a yearbook for her or anything. Overall, I feel that everything I have trusted in has failed me. Don't think I am saying that things have failed me. It isn't their fault; it's mine for relying on them too much. People whom I care for have left. My own health and energy is depreciating, and the sport I'm playing is practically forcing me to relearn the simplest of hits just to rally. I just...need to rely on myself instead. Laura coughed and sneezed at 07:25 p.m. Monday, March 11, 2002 Sometimes, I wonder how people would cope with different circumstances. If I was the new kid, knowing only, say, three people who I remember from sixth grade; say, three people who I wouldn't hang out with except for the fact that they are nice to me, would I make friends with other people fast enough? I suppose Del Mar was an experience like that; but it was freshamn year so it was like that for everyone. Or, where I am at now, if I attempted to befriends others would they turn me away or willingly accept me and my flaws? Then again, circumstances change with every school; this one being a huge exeption in practically every form. I swear, our school is fucked over in that nice, corny "we all live in peace" way where everyone is everyone's sister's friend. Most places aren't like that. I hope no one mistakes high school for the real world. At least not this high school. Laura considered another thing at 09:43 p.m. Saturday, March 9, 2002 Went to see Fighting Jacks last night with a hoarde of interesting people. If you noticed, we were all basically in twos the whole time, which was so uniform it wasn't even funny. Anyway, I finally bought the Fighting Jacks / Keeping Ellis / Sloe split, to bring me much enjoyment. I ditched some of my friends though, because they're idea wasn't organized enough. Truly, though, it could have been hazardous. I feel that everyone has multiple personality flaws that each bring them down to the ground if they don't know how to deal with it. I have this horrible way of becoming twitterpated with practically any guy who is at least mildly attractive. It usually starts with the whole "oooh, he has nice shoes..." which is Laura-speak for "what a fine speciMAN of MEN" (I coined that term, woot woot) But then, if I get the chance to actually speak to these people, who usually are egotistical jackasses it wil go away. Except, yes, those cases where a genuinely nice corteous boy respects me (er, maybe not that, but at least is receptive and understanding) I just become infatuated on the spot. I've been lost in a maze of love for ages but no one will come rescue me. It doesn't bother me too much, given those moments when everyone else gets shown some love and I don't. If my "infatuation" persues another girl, I usually stay around for a while until I know I have no chance. This is probably a good point for me to lay off, and I do, but a month or so later, the feeling strikes again, sparked by some little meaningless hug or chance meeting. These emotions tear up my soul, and it is absolutely irritating. I've seen a few such people of my past loves in these past days, been reminded of everything. Laura talked in a nasly voice at 09:07 a.m. Thursday, March 7, 2002 Badminton has become supremely fun. So what if I don't play until the end? It doesn't bother me because I get to talk to everyone and listen to horribly crazy dance music and "party on down" with my amigos. Whoop dee do, it actually is quite enjoyable. And I mean, that's all I ask really. Lost my first game; won the second. (Given they were entirely different ends of the spectrum, but still) Laura moved in circles at 08:55 p.m. Monday, March 4, 2002 Colleges send stupid mail. They try to make themselves sound interesting and unique, but you know if they have to send you alluring mail they probably aren't the best choice. I mean, come on... Here's a letter: "Awesome. OK...so maybe awesome is a bit outdated, and it probably sounds a little funny coming from me. But it's really the only word that does Montana State University justice." Yes, this is definately where I want to spend four years of my life. Oh and guess what guys? I got tickets to the Incubus/Hoobastank concert April 14! And I have Champions On Ice tickets as well! And I think Sno-core may be able to work out if planned accordingly! And tomorrow I am playing #2 singles for badminton! Which is a high spot considering I am inexperienced and overall "sucky". I am grateful, yes, but pretty nervous. I know I will not do very well most likely, but I wish I could. It would just make everything else so much better... By the way, I re-met this girl the on Friday. I saw her in English, hair dyed red, AFI pin on her bag, and I thought "Hey she seems cool..." Next thing I know we're reminiscing on elementry school. Turns out she was Desiree's best friend before she moved to Hollister. Then I became Desiree's best friend, then there was middle school and drama and new friends, and now I meet her again. I always thought she would turn out to be a "rapper girl" but no, what an intellectual and funny person she is. I'm quite glad to have her at this school. Oh, and Maggie, I hope you feel better and all is well soon. Laura went on walking at 09:13 p.m. Wednesday, February 27, 2002 By the way...the entry below this one was written in a moment of contempt. Disregard offensive comments; not all points directed at the same people so do not excpect I had you in mind, becuase if you are reading this, then it wasn't you. I was thinking of people who don't know about this. (Or so I am assuming...) Laura mentioned at 08:45 p.m.